Me:  Yeah, when you're lactose intolerant you can't have milk, unless you take a dairy pill that helps you digest it
Student:  so you can't have goat's milk?
Me:  Nope
Student:  what about pigs milk?
Me:  Imma let you think about what you just said and get back to you

Student 1:  *Coughs*
Student 2:  OH NO, YOU BEST GET AWAY FROM ME, I'M A GERMOHOLIC
Me:  You mean germaphobe?
Student 2:  NAH I MEAN GERMOHOLIC, I HATE THEM THINGS

Me:  For history night you can dress up as any historical figure, but they must have been real.
Student:  So I can dress up as Willy Wonka?
Me:  No, he is fictional, we want non-fiction
Student:  Nah, he in a book he real.
Me:  Whatever you say...

Teacher:  So why did you get in the other boy's face and almost fight him?
Student: He called me a chicken nugget head.

Parent Chaperone Overhears-
Student: We should t-bag this Abe Lincoln Statue
Parent Chaperone [internally]:

Cowoker: (using a British Accent) I think I have a cold from the black mold, DIDLY PIP
Me:  Ummm what?
Coworker:  Yeah, that's something they say.

Student:  I'm going to call you Chowder.
Me:  Why?
Student:  Because you white like chowder

*Leaving a basketball game*
Student: (talking to her friend)  I think there is still one more inning left.
Me:  You mean quarter?
Student:  Well at least I didn't say quadrant.

Talking to coworkers during lunch:
Coworker 1:  It's my husband's birthday today, I haven't gotten him anything, what should I get him?
Me:  Get him a goat, he'll never have to cut the grass again
Coworker 2:  [looks at her watch, it's 11am]no, it's too late to get a goat
Everyone:

Student:  Are you a Mrs. or a Ms.?
Me:  Ms.
Student:  I think I would like you better as a Mrs.
Me:  I'll get right on that

Me:  Your project will be due October 13th.
Student:  WHY ARE YOU MAKING US TURN THIS IN ON HALLOWEEN
The whole class:

Today is test day

Me:  You'll need a blank sheet of paper for your short answer questions.
Student:  (30 minutes later) Umm, why do we need a piece of paper?
Me:  Like I said three times at the beginning of class, so you can write the answers to your short answers on it.
Student:  (genuinely confused) You means like write words?
Me:

Student:  My stomach hurts

Me:  Okay, go to the bathroom

Student:  Nah, I want this smelly fart to annoy the girl next to me

Girl:

I came into school with my hair wet...I woke up late, whoops.

Student:  I LIKE YOUR RAIN HAIR!
Me:  Umm..
Student: walks away dancing like

The Beginning of a New Year

Hello everyone!

I have decided to create this blog to share with the world the outrageous things that come out of my middle schooler's mouths.  Sometimes I wonder how they've made it this far in life.